From Andys Room to the mountains of Afghanistan: The Sarge leads a patrol of his Green Army Men through a hostile sector USA Today has reported that shortages of front-line infantry have reached such crisis levels in the US military that the Green Army Men from Toy Story have been sent to perform a tour of duty in Afghanistan.
Speaking to international correspondents on Monday, the Sarge expressed pride in his platoon being asked to serve their country in its time of need but admitted off-the-record that he was somewhat surprised at the decision.
“My men are still in a state of shock to some degree”, the Sarge said, “I mean it’s a huge leap from a life in a plastic bucket in Andy’s room to ending up on the other side of the world, fighting Taliban Insurgents in some of the most rugged and inhospitable territory on earth. There was no warning, we were taken to the nearest US army base, spray-painted tan, put in a box and shipped to Afghanistan. By a C-130? No, by Fed-Ex.”
The platoon has plenty of IT and communications specialists whose main function is to download video clips onto YouTube. The Sarge’s platoon have already experienced considerable action since arriving several weeks ago. “It hasn’t been easy, in fact its been damn rough. We can’t move very long distances and some of the other units we have been serving alongside have been ribbing my boys quite mercilessly- usually about our size and the fact that none of us have penises. And of course its never easy to bear the losses. I’ve lost seven men here since we started.”
When asked if the casualties were due to small arms fire, artillery rounds or mines, the Sarge said, “No, none of those. It got over 40C one day and four of my men melted. Damn it, I told them to stay in the shade. Two others were stepped on by a Marine and a farmer’s dog chewed up Private Levinson pretty bad. I went down to the aerodrome to see the bodies home. God, it was so moving. Each one was in a little matchbox and had a little American flag- you know, those ones on the toothpicks you see on trays of finger-food.”
The un-usually high proportion of men equipped with mine detectors in the platoon has proved ideal for fighting an enemy who relies heavily on booby-traps and hidden explosives. The following day, a special press-conference was held announcing that the Sarge’s Platoon had successfully inflicted casualties on a suspected Taliban force. Video-footage was released to the international media, clearly showing an Insurgent with a pained expression on his face and hopping up and down holding one of his feet and yelling some-thing that interpreters have translated as ‘Ouch! My foot! What was that?!”
However Wikileaks have already released what they claim is the real footage of what appears to a young civilian boy hopping in circles and holding one of his feet, saying “Ow! Ow! Ow!” The US military have refused to comment.
Platoon members drag a comrade to safety after he was knocked over by a stiff breeze.
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Topic: Toy Story's Green Army Men sent to Afghanistan (Read 827 times)