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[alice j]

Koala Dies of Chlamydia; to Become Face of National Campaign
The koala which once inspired Australians onto bravery and comradeship will now be inspiring teens onto protected sex, says Valerie Pedro, the brains behind this new campaign.

“Everyone followed the story of the little koala, fighting for survival, and we notice a peak in support for Victorian bushfire victims after its first appearance.” Ms Pedro stated. “Hopefully, we’ll see the same thing—support for unprotected sex. We’ve tried scare tactics; we’ve tried hotlines; now we’ll go totally out of the common way, since none of those things seem to be working.”

Politicians and mothers alike are praying for success for this new campaign. “I’m hoping the pictures of the koala will remind her of all the stuffed toys we gave her when she was growing up—then she might stop repaying us by staying out all night and acting like a tart, and start trying to get decent results at school…but I already tried to get Prime Possum onto her, and it didn’t do any good whatsoever,” Queensland mother Sarah Eldritch last night.

The NSW Department of Health wishes the program the best of luck, but doesn’t hold out much hope. “We got a hot girl to stare at a camera, and we shoved in some bold, tacky lettering,” stated one representative. “All teenagers want to be hot, and they can’t concentrate for very long—our advertisement was practically designed for them, and if it didn’t work, no koala is going to do the trick.”

Most citizens can only hope the campaign will have greater effect than the Grim Reaper advertisements of the 1970s—because we have good word from government officials that the next step will be more embarrassing radio commercials.

“Those radio adverts just make you want to sink into the ground, and the more we embarrass teenagers, the more they’ll want to tell us all about their sex life. It’s a fact,” declared the radio campaign’s director.

“From there we may just get an old, fat man to set teenagers up on lie detectors and broadcast the results: it can only improve things.”[/font]

[Adi]

Nice concept   Forgive me if I tell you that the Grim Reaper campaign was actually aired in May 1986, not the 1970s... but I know an abnormal amount about that particular topic...

Perhaps they should start marketing Australian wildlife themed condoms...

[alice j]

thanks!! i'll fix that before we print it. thank you~~!!

[Wolfe Tone]

Where do you put it when you print it?

[alice j]

Our satirical school newspaper The Tyrannical Times. Comes out every fortnight.

[Emperor Fadeaway]

If this gets in the paper, you need a new editor.

[Thaluikhain]

Nice concept   Forgive me if I tell you that the Grim Reaper campaign was actually aired in May 1986, not the 1970s... but I know an abnormal amount about that particular topic...

Adi, I keep telling you, you're just a mod, you're not any kind of supernatural entity, and definately not the Grim Reaper.

[Adi]

But I didn't eat the salmon mousse!

[alice j]

If this gets in the paper, you need a new editor.

Who's going to do it? You? Sorry, we've already got enough self-absorbed jackasses competing for supremacy working with us. 

It's a high-school newspaper. Standards aren't exactly soaring. And I'm actually a fan of constructive criticism, mostly about writing style and format- just for future reference.

[Emperor Fadeaway]

Constructive criticism is over-rated. You will learn this. Sometimes stuff is so bad that it just can't be constructively criticised. You'll also learn this. But for now, keep thinking you're funny OK. No-one will say you're not, because they're being nice. Sometimes people will just lie to be nice. You'll learn this too. Lots to learn it seems!

[alice j]

See, fortunately I understand that someone has obviously upset you as a child...and, having held all the hurt inside you, the misery is starting to leak out. But picking on someone half your age isn't going to help the weird kid inside you. So I'm not going to take anything you say personally.

Also, I wonder if having not received constructive criticism as a youth has affected your attitude. The worse something is, the more criticism it needs. I don't know what lazy teacher or fed-up parent gave you the idea that things can be beyond constructive criticism, but they were sadly misinformed.

The more times you say constructive criticism, the weirder it sounds.

Oh, and by the way? It's sad that you don't find me funny...very hurtful. But given that most of my school contemporaries do, I'm going to have to forgo the whole identity crisis.

[Emperor Fadeaway]

You fail to understand that you are but a child yourself, so your opinion of me is of no consequence because your capacity to judge is minimal. Why you ask? Because you know nothing. You haven't lived. You're just a little upstart who thinks they're good. And i'm just being honest in what i say about your writing. I didn't find it funny. Although, if you keep at it, i suspect there's potential. But i don't comment on things on the basis of potential, i care more about the here and now. There's no sinister motive in this approach. There's no childhood suffering. LOL. You just can't take it, so you have to force yourself to believe i'm just saying these things out of jealousy or something. Too funny. Oh well, you'll learn. You also fail to comprehend that you are at the start of your learning process, not the end. And your friends at school think you're funny, do they? Wow. I thought some things were funny when i was a kid too, now i just think they are  stupid. Much like what you will think of your crap in 10 years time. Or maybe even 3 yrs. Keep it up though. If people stopped on account of being crap at the age of 15, much art would not exist today. Luckily, those artists persisted.

[alice j]

Don't worry, I know there was no childhood crisis. I just felt I had to excuse your negativity somehow, because it's actually quite rude. Perhaps the problem is that you can't quite bend your perspective- rather than reading something and taking circumstances into account, you read one thing through the same narrow frame with which you view all things. Maybe there remain a few lessons on this beleaguered planet for you, as well.   

[Emperor Fadeaway]

Of course there are, one never stops learning. I don't try to think why i find things funny or not, i just either do or i don't.  I doubt it has anything to do with perspective. The point of humour is that it crosses those boundaries.

[alice j]

Well we'll have to agree to disagree, because I think you're wrong. Humor depends on your perspectives; comedy is broadcast/printed/shown at different time-slots or in different places to appeal to those perspectives, and with a little thought, one can understand why things may be found funny or good without fully agreeing with those assessments. I just think that when you said 'you'll have to find a new editor' it kind of implied that the article has no place anywhere. If you can possibly understand why someone who attends high-school might find the article funny,then that means the comment is kind of wrong.