I am disappointed that at four pages no one has done a demeaning talk about how fat they are and how their life needs to change now before it just gets worse. Also, there have been no tears. So, here are some I started earlier, feel free to continue:
Neil: I am just an ordinary guy, with an extraordinary waist line. I need to lose this weight! Not just because my doctor told me that if I didn't I would require a quadruple bypass with a possible amputation. No, it isn't just that. It is for my children. I am such a fat fuck that I can't play with my son. When he starts running around *flash to scene of Neil playing on beach with little son* I just can't keep up! I need to loose this weight for my life, my children and my wife. I want her to think that I am sexy. *starts crying*
Fred: I hate conforming to the bikie sterotype. While I have no tats, I do have a beard and a gut. And people get scared when they see me coming. I don't like feeling that way. I am just a gentle giant. However, if you get in between me and that last brownie, well...you just wouldn't. And...I...I....I just want what ever nurse I am sleeping with at the moment to like me. And possible consider me as something more than just an occasional romp. *starts crying*
Nick: I want sex. And fat guys don't get that, see? Throw in the fact that I am a self confessed nerd, and well, it is hard to get anyone to not look at me. But just for once, I want that cute blonde with the huge tits to think "hey, isn't he cute" instead of "look at how huge his arse is!" *starts crying*
Edit: Not as funny I originally thought...
