this is old but still funny as hell apple ogies to those who have read it before
Vermont native, Ronald Demuth, found himself in a difficult
position yesterday. While touring the Eagle's Rock African Safari
(Zoo) with a group of thespians from St Petersburg, Russia, Demuth went
overboard to show them one of America's many marvels. He demonstrated
the effectiveness of "Crazy Glue"... the hard way. Apparently,
Demuth wanted to demonstrate just how good the adhesive was, so he
put about three ounces of the adhesive in the palms of his hands, and
jokingly placed them on the buttocks of a passing rhino. The rhino, a
resident of the zoo for the past thirteen years, was not initially
startled as it has been part of the petting exhibit since its arrival as
a baby.
However, once it became aware of its being involuntarily stuck to Demuth,
it began to panic and ran around the petting area wildly making Demuth an
unintended passenger. "Sally (the rhino) hasn't been feeling well lately.
She had been very constipated. We had just given her a laxative and some
depressants to relax her bowels, when Demuth played his juvenile prank,"
said James Douglass, caretaker. During Sally's tirade, two fences were
destroyed, a shed wall was gored, and a number of small animals escaped.
Also, during the stampede, three pygmy goats and one duck were stomped to
death. As for Demuth, it took a team of medics and zoo caretakers over
four hours to remove his hands from the rhino's buttocks. First, the
animal had to be captured and calmed down.
However, during this process the laxatives began to take hold and Demuth
was repeatedly showered with over 30 gallons of rhino diarrhoea. "It was
tricky. We had to calm her down, while at the same time shield our faces
from being pelted with rhino dung. I guess you could say that Demuth was
in it up to his neck. Once she was under control, we had three people with
shovels working to keep an air passage open for Mr Demuth.
We were able to tranquilize her and apply a solvent to remove his hands
from her rear," said Douglass. "I don't think he'll be playing with Crazy
Glue for a while." Meanwhile, the Russians, while obviously amused, also
were impressed with the power of the adhesive. "I'm going to buy some for
my children, but of course they can't take it to the zoo," commented
Vladimir Zolnikov, leader of the troupe.
