New and cynical lessons I learned spending 24 hours in America:
- There is a depressing amount of trash on the side of the freeways, which is even more pathetic because the city you're outside of doesn't have to be very big, and may only boast two/three lanes of traffic.
- Americans need road signs to tell them the meanings of other road signs. Approaching a small curve in the road? There are no less than five arrows and a "Curve! Slow to XX!" sign for every such corner. Lines on the road tell you that your passing lane has just ended? Opposite side of the road; a large yellow "NO PASSING ZONE" greets you. Checking the speed limit? No, a number and common sense just won't do! You must be visually assaulted with a king sized "SPEED LIMIT" sign as well.
- Spokane has an annual Hangover Handicap. What doesn't sound great about getting mashed, waking up fatigued and sickly way too early the next morning, then trying to navigate a river on an inflatable raft?!!!?!? If this were any more fun, I'd have to shoot myself in the teeth with a harpoon!!! I didn't read the article much further, but I bet the first place prize is donated by the Darwin Awards.
- Canadian vending machines usually contain chips, gum, candy/granola bars, and throat lozenges. American vending machines contain noodles, meat and cheese sticks, lemon meringue cookies, and microwavable meatloaf. Additionally, the hotel rooms come with complimentary seedy bed stains, you are billed for drinking the bottled water they place in your room, and a brief phone call long distance will cost you no less than 37 dollars.
- If you suggest in any way that you are not an American, the person you are conversing with will cease intelligent discussion, and will condescend you with every cliche they know, applicable or not.
- It is commonplace for small children and their mothers to pass judgement loudly and rudely behind your back when in public at a restaurant, standing in line, waiting in a bathroom, sitting on a bench, passing them in an aisle, etc. Children also have habits of throwing items in to your shopping bags/baskets/carts when you're not looking, and tend to chew on the handles of grocery carts.
I'm sure there's more valuable information I could bestow you with, but this recap will suffice for now.
Author
Topic: "The Chaser's War on Three Teenagers' Hearts" (Read 8702 times)