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Author Topic: Headlines  (Read 139148 times)

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whophd

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« Reply #30 on: October 11, 2004, 02:17:12 AM »




~ American car company uses German motto to sound sophisticated


~ Woman gets Foxtel Digital Sky News UK just to understand Dead Ringers jokes



~ Nobody really sure where they were when they saw historic first cloned sheep



~ Australian Idol contender feels urge to rearrange classic for no reason


~ Dead Ringers fan points out you dont really get Mad TVs jokes either





~ Henri Leconte survives entire career without fatal pun on surname



~ Sports commentator slightly too keen on the word threepeat


~ "Friends" episode super-sized; Lisa Kudrow still waif-thin






~ "Fully revised" fact file really only updated in parts


~ Iraqi tourism minister admits to being optimist



~ Olivier Panis drives extension of self





CK.
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whophd

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« Reply #31 on: October 11, 2004, 02:20:48 AM »

Actually that Iraqi tourism minister thing is completely true. I couldnt actually find a way to change it and make it funnier.





You know what else he said? They should encourage "adventure tourism"
to Iraq, only problem being it might be the last adventure many of them
make.





Bloody hell! How is a comedy writer supposed to compete with this calibre material?





CK.
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stickman67

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« Reply #32 on: October 11, 2004, 01:47:34 PM »
~ Procrastination Party claims theyll "definitely field candidate" in 2007
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wexler perkins

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« Reply #33 on: October 11, 2004, 02:10:49 PM »
im guessing theres no shortage of headline ideas from the last few days so these contributions might be redudant. anyway, here are a few i managed to scrounge together:


labor lose election despite canberra times, crikey endorsements


Howard claims phone spam mandate


Election parties suffer from early result; skip pool romps, cut straight to adultery


Bob brown celebrates result: ‘we didn’t really achieve all that much but, you know…’


Barnaby Joyce the new Denver Beanland says man with ridiculous name


 


 

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corybungus

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« Reply #34 on: October 11, 2004, 02:33:25 PM »
Surgeon declares new procedure a complete success, except the patient died.
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whophd

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« Reply #35 on: October 11, 2004, 02:47:41 PM »
Quote from: wexler perkins
Im guessing theres no shortage of headline
ideas from the last few days so these contributions might be redudant.
anyway, here are a few i managed to scrounge together:

Yeah, they just keep coming:



~ Laurie Oakes gains extra seat during 2004 election



~ Howard promises to wait before becoming rash, provocative



~ Young Liberal reaches his increased majority at 21



~ Political pundit predicts "more of the same"





That last ones not so much of a joke, as an observation of another
thing I really heard. The BBC journalists (who dont live here) are the
worst. They even reported from Bondi Beach ... in the seat of
Wentworth, where they said the Liberals fought off a strong campaign
"from the opposition". Bollocks!



While Im thinking of how to turn that into a Chaser story, it makes me
wonder how much overseas coverage we get that is dodgy like that.





Meanwhile, in Headlines land:





~ "Yaourt" is French for yoghurt



~ Home shopper shocked to discover "next 15 minutes" lasts 2 weeks



~ Recent amputee disqualified from Weight Watchers



~ Child takes Nutri-Grain to help counteract effects of Ritalin



~ Andrew Denton no longer aiming to be Australias Ben Elton



~ John Laws fan admits El Presidenté becoming tedious for Windows startup



~ Complete hard disk failure assuaged by photo of Peter Norton





CK.

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wexler perkins

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« Reply #36 on: October 11, 2004, 05:20:07 PM »
Howard proclaims kroger greatest election night pundit of the last 30 years.


John safran votes for coalition to annoy left wing audience


 


7 30 report call 2007 election for liberal party; ‘They failed to do whatever it will take in 3 and a half years to win, presumably’ says Brissenden.


 


Howards pledge: with unobstructed senate we will bring back Hey Hey its saturday.


 


Toy Story outpolls ALP, wins control of senate


 


Family First controversy: were bigger than jesus now


 


bloggers discuss election result calmly, politely


 


Bob Ellis still working on post election diatribe from 2001


 


Andrew Bolt hails Tasmanian timber workers: you made the right choice, now kiss it bitch.

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wexler perkins

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« Reply #37 on: October 11, 2004, 05:23:12 PM »
Quote from: whophd
Quote from: wexler perkins
~ Laurie Oakes gains extra seat during 2004 election




ha ha. why do they force feed that man?

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Rhiannon

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« Reply #38 on: October 11, 2004, 11:50:58 PM »
Okay, I actually put some thought into these.. so be gentle.
Feedback appreciated.

Tony Windsor 13% Closer to Dream Dictatorship, World Domination

Politically Savvy youth torn between Intelligence, Popularity.  

Howard refuses to retire until matching record innings of Menzies,
Bradman.

University tutorial focus: bitch about Election, Stereotypes.

Lecturers use of pretentious synonyms confuse students, colleagues

O’Brien still looks smug, McMullin still looks suicidal.

Antony Green “Don’s Party” jokes cruel in  retrospect

Sensitive Guy boasts love for foreign film after girlfriend rents ‘Amelie’

Girl considered Revhead after rumored Bathurst weekend fellatio

Cleaning product in ad removes coffee stains, marital problems

Lateline SMS updates prove unpopular despite sexy timeslot
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stickman67

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« Reply #39 on: October 12, 2004, 12:05:17 AM »
Hmm! Deep!  :lol:
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Rhiannon

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« Reply #40 on: October 12, 2004, 12:12:58 AM »
Deep? Whose headlines were you reading?
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stickman67

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« Reply #41 on: October 12, 2004, 12:28:57 AM »
OK, it was a puerile attempt on my part to appear gravely intellectual and
interesting to girls.

The fact that Im quite happily married obviously renders such shallow
and obvious ploys somewhat redundant.

Glad you saw through me before it was too late! :oops:
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Rhiannon

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« Reply #42 on: October 12, 2004, 12:38:03 AM »
Ahahaha so am I, actually. only now were on a new page so no one will
ever see those headlines :(
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stickman67

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« Reply #43 on: October 12, 2004, 12:51:11 AM »
Dang!
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whophd

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« Reply #44 on: October 12, 2004, 04:28:23 AM »



Here ya go Rhiannon!



Quote from: Rhiannon
Okay, I actually put some thought into these.. so be gentle.

Feedback appreciated.



Tony Windsor 13% Closer to Dream Dictatorship, World Domination



Politically Savvy youth torn between Intelligence, Popularity.  



Howard refuses to retire until matching record innings of Menzies,

Bradman.



University tutorial focus: bitch about Election, Stereotypes.



Lecturers use of pretentious synonyms confuse students, colleagues



O’Brien still looks smug, McMullin still looks suicidal.



Antony Green “Don’s Party” jokes cruel in  retrospect



Sensitive Guy boasts love for foreign film after girlfriend rents ‘Amelie’



Girl considered Revhead after rumored Bathurst weekend fellatio



Cleaning product in ad removes coffee stains, marital problems



Lateline SMS updates prove unpopular despite sexy timeslot

Theyre damn good! I like every one of those. I dont want to single
out the fellatio one, but it has that particular factor that makes it
sneak up on you when its on a scrolling newsbar ... thats why it
works so well on casual viewers of the TV show.



Oops, I guess I could have used the Bradman one as an example too. Plus
its good how theyre all short. Generally 10 words seems to be a bit
of a maximum without a good reason.



I remember speaking to an SBS journalist who was cracking a sh** over
the digital TV app we were developing, since you can barely fit any
text on a TV screen ... and I had told him to trim down his headlines.
He already considered the ones on the website to be "trimmed to the
bone". Its all part of the skill I guess.



We ended up joking that one of the stories could basically be summed up
in 2 words if you labotomised it enough -- something like, "Summit
Sits". It was a very black joke for him and his journalistic standards.



CK.

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