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[unomomento]

Hey People,
      Many times I find myself in a shit mood, or just bored, at work, so i thought i'd start a thread dedicated solely to amusing stuff. I dont know if there is one already, if there is i couldnt find it, or it just sucked. I want this to  be somewhere to go to have a chuckle, and id just trawl the internets myself but i never seem to able to find the gold. So please, post any funny pics, vids or jokes in this thread. Ill start with an email i got called the 'girls apology': 

Brad,

It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it.

I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I really don't think I can handle that.

I am so sorry.

Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your concern.  I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".

You did a stupid thing huh?  No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.

To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight.  The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector.  I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in New Jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room. The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last Saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate.  Thought you might like to know.

PS.  I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.

Talk to you never,
Brad

Only thing is, whats a B&T Chick?

[Azazel]

When can we expect to see part two of this soap opera?

[.]

Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate.

I'm never going to be able to have sex with the lights on again 

[unomomento]

c'mon Yak, you've usually got some funny pics to post..?

or is my thread not worthy? 

[Nick 2]

If you want funny ..


Twenty-six things a perfect guy would do, and other propaganda disseminated by misguided women.

Never fails to make me laugh.

[unomomento]

THats what im talking about!

Anything funny : links, photos, drawings, stories, articles, websites(shites), videos, animations, ANYTHING THAT CAN BE EVEN MISTAKEN TO BE FUNNY! I figure if people actually post lots of good stuff in here, i'll never have to go to another website!

[Emperor Fadeaway]

I'm never going to be able to have sex with the lights on again 

What do you mean again?

[.]

What do you mean again?

Well. Obviously I've already inflicted the mating sea lions of doom on some poor bastards already.

Meh. What the hell. They were bastards anyway. I hope it gave them soft-ons for life 

[Emperor Fadeaway]

Well. Obviously I've already inflicted the mating sea lions of doom on some poor bastards already.

Wasn't obvious to me!  Was it spanky?

Meh. What the hell. They were bastards anyway. I hope it gave them soft-ons for life 

This is very interesting news indeed.  I'm muchly curious.

[.]

Was it spanky?

 

Yeah. I went to WA to have a threesome with them. Fucking hot bastards that they are.

Sea lions don't begin to describe that...

[Emperor Fadeaway]

Yeah. I went to WA to have a threesome with them. Fucking hot bastards that they are.

Sea lions don't begin to describe that...

I reckon.  I wonder how those two fat bastards are getting on.,  Does #quiz even exist anymore?   

[Mez]

Twenty-six things a perfect guy would do, and other propaganda disseminated by misguided women.

Never fails to make me laugh.

Since this is already sounding like National Lampoon's  Overgrown Boys' Club, I might as well repeat here a letter I once saw in that rag, in their Letters to the Editor section.

"Sirs,

All I ever hear these days is cockroach this and cockroach that!  I'm sick to death of hearing about cockroaches!  We females are just as ugly and dirty and nasty!

Signed

A Cuntroach
NY,NY."

[unomomento]

Has anyone tried the new 'West Coast Eagles' Maccas meal?

No Burger, No Fries, Only Coke and Ice. 

[Nick 2]

Here are some sites I go to for the occasional laugh.

www.maddox.xmission.com
www.ninjapirate.com
www.zug.com
www.phonelosers.org
www.tuckermax.com


and of course

www.chaser.com.au (brown nosing)

[unomomento]

Darwin Award Candidate:

Michigan, USA.
Guy buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for 30 some thousand dollars and has 400+ dollar monthly payments. He immediately contacts his friend and they go do some male bonding. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two geniuses go to the lake with the guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. Remember, it's all ice and in order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck wants to fly down and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than a ice hole drill. Out of the back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40 second fuse. Now these 2 Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that if they place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and the new Grand Cherokee), they take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the burning fuse and possibly going up in smoke with the resulting blast. So, they decide to light this 40 second fuse and throw the dynamite which is what they end up doing.
Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the beer, the guns AND THE DOG ? Yes, the dog. A highly trained Black Lab used for retrieving, especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and gets the stick of dynamite with the burning 40 second fuse about the time it hits the ice much to the dismay of the two idiots yelling, stomping, waving arms and wondering what to do now. The dog, well-pleased with itself, heads back from where it came from moments before, with the stick of dynamite, only to the mounting woes of the 2 bozos now really waving their arms, yelling even louder and jumping to new heights than ever before.

Now one of the guys decides to think, something that he has never done before this moment, grabs a shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 duck shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab on its appointed rounds. Dog stops for a moment, slightly confused and continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused & of course scared, thinking these two Nobel Prize winners have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover with the now really short fuse burning on this stick of dynamite, still in its mouth. The cover the dogs finds? Underneath the brand new Grand Cherokee 30 some thousand dollar 400+ monthly payment vehicle sitting on the lake ice. BOOM ! Dog dies and it and the brand new Grand Cherokee 30 some thousand dollar 400+ monthly payment vehicle sink to the bottom of the lake leaving the two candidates for Co-leaders of the Known Universe standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.

Later, the owner of the vehicle calls his insurance company which tells him that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered. He had yet to make the first of those 400+ a month payments.